Episode 50: Uniqueness

Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the 50th episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. This is very exciting. I’m 50 episodes in I have two more to go until I decide what I want to do next. So thank you for, you know, joining me on this episode. And it was hard for me to think about what I was going to talk about. But something was talked about somewhere in the last week in a room that I am in clubhouse. And that room is called Empower podcasting. So I found myself venturing into this room simply because you know, I have a podcast and I thought, well, that could be interesting. And I like this room. I like it a lot. I like the people who are in it. I like the moderators, I like the person who runs it. And somebody had come up on the stage in clubhouse to talk a little bit about whatever it was that we were talking about, and said something that really bothered me. They said that people are not unique. And I pushed back a little bit on that. And even though the person said,

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How do I put this? I don’t want to sound harsh, but you’re not that unique. I said, Yes, they are unique, every individual is unique. Maybe the story that they’re sharing isn’t unique. Maybe it’s a story we’ve heard a million times similar to mine, I don’t think that being a person who was addicted to Vikon is all that unique. But my story is unique. And nobody can tell my story better than me. And that was the point that I was trying to make. And while I shared my point, this person continued to say, well, I’ll just agree to disagree. And I thought to myself, if I had had more time I had to leave to go into the gratitude room. But I would have elaborated. And I would have said, if somebody had said that to me a year ago, because now we’re on a year of this podcast. If somebody had said to me a year ago when I was thinking about sharing this story, my story about infidelity and addiction and recovery and my relationship with my friends and my family and alcohol, and kindness and gratitude and all of the things that I’ve talked about. If somebody had said, You’re not unique, I might have thought, yeah, I guess I’m not that unique. Maybe I shouldn’t share my story. I don’t think that this person would ever suggest, oh, yeah, don’t share your story. But when you say to somebody else, or worse, you’re saying it in a group of people who may be listening and thinking about, I mean, clearly, we’re in a room called empowered podcasting. So either people have a podcast, or are thinking about having a podcast, or maybe they’re just interested in podcasting. But if you’re thinking about having a podcast and you walked into a space where somebody said, You’re not that unique, would you or would you not think to yourself? Well, I guess Yeah, I’m kind of average. And I guess nobody really wants to hear my story. And that was the hardest thing for me to hear in my head. Because that’s how I interpreted what was being said. And nobody actually stepped up and said anything to what I said, and I had to leave. So it’s possible that they did. But it’s unfortunate, because you’re you’re right in. This is what I would say to this person. You’re right. In some respects, the stories are not original. Maybe that’s a better way to put it. And I mean, my mom always used to say you know, Mallory, there are no new ideas. There’s just versions of another idea or an idea and a version of it. So I often say Amazon is not On original, Amazon is just a glorified version of the Sears catalog from, you know, 50 7080 100 years ago, I guess I don’t know how long the Sears catalog has been around. But it made me think a lot for the last week about being unique and being different. And what can you as an individual contribute. And I’m here to say, a lot. For a very long time, I’m sure I, you know, had this idea in my head that I’m not that different. I’m, I don’t want to even use the word special, because I think everybody is special. But I also know somebody who uses the word, you’re not that special. Meaning when you overthink things about yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think of you, because you’re not that special. But I think what was being said was not that you aren’t special and individual and unique. But nobody’s thinking about you the way you’re thinking about you. So get out of your own head and go do and share what you want to do and share about yourself and about your life. I think it’s very difficult when people make comments, state their opinion, including mine, in a group of people how one might interpret that when they are just listening in. Because some people are, well, all people are in different stages in their life, about their level of confidence and how they are with their family and how fear drives them, or motivates them, or paralyzes them. So in a room full of people who are sharing the same joy of podcasting, or the idea even of podcasting to make the suggestion you’re not unique is a damaging one. And I want to talk a little bit about how I resolved my own feelings about how unique I was and how different I was and how the same that I was. It’s really interesting, because for, I don’t know, several years now, when I have talked to people who have known me in my past, you know, they, they, they had a very different idea of who I was, and maybe the things that I appear to have been doing and how I looked like I had it all together, when in fact, I really wasn’t okay. It was only through my feelings of being unique in what I could do and how I could share what I had been through. That gave me the courage to create a podcast, I will say it is so difficult to open up and just brutally share your life on the internet. And when I say brutal, I don’t mean that I’m being mean, I am being transparent, and honest and vulnerable. And that’s unique. For me. I am unique. One could say, well, it’s just semantics. I don’t think so. I think we all need to look at our lives look at ourselves as being unique. And I almost feel sorry for this person who felt they aren’t unique. Because I looked at them as unique. And I even said in the room that day, you know, I want to hear what all of you have to say, you’re all very unique to me. I want to hear your opinions, including that person’s, I want to hear your story. I care about what you have to share. And if I don’t care, then I don’t have to listen. But I’m very interested in other people’s, you know, stuff. And if I wasn’t, if everybody was the same, well, then why would I listen to anyone? And so it seems like this idea fell short on this individual and I feel badly about that. But I wanted to talk about that on my 50th episode because of its relevancy. My tragedies, if you call them tragedies are not that unique. I mean, I’m not the only person in the entire universe who ever went through any of this, we get that. But my story and journey of self discovery and recovery is unique. It may not be

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groundbreaking, but it is unique. I didn’t die. A lot of people die. I didn’t die. I lived to tell this story, which I’ve said in other episodes. I am sharing it openly and freely to help somebody you know, not lose their balance, if they are going through something in their marriage or as a mother, or as a sister, or as a sibling, I guess there might be males listening, who may be struggling and not realize that they aren’t so alone, because they feel very unique and what their experiences are. Because back in the day, while I knew that people, you know, had drug problems, people had affairs, people did all kinds of things. Since the dawn of time, I felt very alone, very unique and what I was going through, and I didn’t have somebody that I could listen to, now, one could make the argument that by what I’m saying is, well, then you’re not that unique, somebody else has the same secret is sharing the same story. And maybe that’s true. But there’s always these little elements of something that was very different about what I went through, and what somebody else is going through. It helps me in some cases, identify very closely to what they’re going through. And that’s great. And sometimes I could say, well, I’m going to do it differently than you are, or I’m going to follow your path and see where that goes. That’s why we have support groups. But each person’s story in let’s say, rehab was very unique to them. And feeling unique is also about liking who you are, and feeling special and feeling like if you have the desire to, I don’t know, tell your tales and story on the internet. There’s always going to be somebody out there who will find your story. Unique, intriguing. And from Curiosity, they will listen, you know, I’ve learned a lot this last year, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my capabilities, I’ve learned to forgive myself, I’ve learned to continue to move forward, I’ve learned the power of gratitude, I’ve learned the value of community. Intellectually, again, I say this a lot. Intellectually, we all get it in our heads, we all know, yeah, I guess I should be doing that. But when you embrace it, and when you practice gratitude, and when you make things about growth, and you are encouraging others who also lift you up and encourage you, you have a very, I guess it’s a very unique way of living your life. We get into habits as we grow up, we listen to negative self talk. And we allow that negative self talk,

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let’s say to you know, control everything about ourselves. That’s not unique at all. It’s pretty much what everybody does, until they realize that they’re unique, and they want to stand out above the crowd, from the crowd, be different, be special, I wanted my life to be fulfilling. And I wanted to try to, you know, learn how to live on my own, which is something I had never learned how to do. That is something that remarkably happened within the last few years since the pandemic. But most importantly, I got so much out of the last year from doing this from just sharing and talking. And maybe it’s not that interesting, maybe everything that I’ve had to say nobody cares about. And that’s okay, because I get to hear it back. And I have to say this when I’ve listened back because I I applied for an award for a podcast award. I’m only sharing this because I never win it. But I took the time to fill out the application. I took the time to grab a soundbite of 10 minutes from one of my earlier episodes, which I felt was a very vulnerable and revealing episode which was the one entitled infidelity which was number two. Now, just to be clear, when I started this podcast, it started with three initials in my head Mia that’s how I felt missing in action, marriage, infidelity, addiction, and I recorded all of those episodes, those three episodes in in one weekend, and then I uploaded them and aired them over a three week period at the advice of my coach. So I had a Blue Yeti microphone, which is fair, it’s not the greatest microphone, but that’s what I had. And I was reading from a script Not like this. I’m using a Rode mic. And I’m just talking now, I’m a little more, I’m a lot more comfortable. And I listened back on that episode. And part of the episode was scripted. And then yeah, a part of it was unscripted where I went off. I went off script, and I just started talking. And it’s more favorable in my head, I found that entire episode was completely unique. Because it combined all kinds of things. It was all kinds of edited in. If I had made, let’s say, a vocal mistake, but I left a lot of it in that was raw. So when I went to grab this 10 minute soundbite, and I sent it in for an application, I had to listen back and a little bit, a little bit of it was a little cringy for me. And then other parts were Wow, Mallory, how brave, you were to reveal your feelings and your emotions. I mean, I wasn’t sitting there crying. But how brave of you to do this? And I looked at the metrics, because they said something about how many downloads? Well, I haven’t had a lot of downloads per episode. I mean, I think there are a lot considering I barely market this thing. And I don’t really look at the metrics as the barometer from which I will continue to record, I do it for myself, and hopefully, if it helps somebody all the better. But interestingly, my infidelity episode has the most downloads. And I say interestingly, and I think maybe not so interesting is more so people are curious about other people’s lives. Even if they’ve heard the story a billion times, we’re still attracted to that same story, because somebody else is telling it, remakes of movies. They’re just new versions of it. And this was my version, I doubt very much that I’ll win an award. But I’m very proud of myself for having to gone through the process of even applying online. And I had a probably pay an application fee of maybe $30, which is fine. But I did it because it’s a female podcast award. I can’t even remember what it’s for. But who knows. And I’m only saying it because I just did it a few days ago. So

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we’ll see. But here I am. On the 50th episode, I’ve been talking a lot about different topics, every single week, I had shared from my heart, I sometimes share from a place of, you know, annoyance or aggravation, but I did my best to share. And I really believe I achieved this, I shared from my scars and not my wounds. I’m not hurting, I’m happy. I have learned to embrace all these things about myself that I could very easily have gone into a shell of tremendous destruction forever, and not lived to tell this story. But somehow I was unique, and I was different. And I want other people who are listening. Because I do know that people are listening from all over the world, to be honest with you, there are people from all over the world who hear this podcast, you are special, and you are 100% unique. And don’t ever let somebody say that you’re not if you are struggling with an idea. And you think Well, no, nobody’s gonna care about this. It’s been done. Well, maybe it hasn’t been done the way you would do it. And when we hear things in public spaces, have people who say well, you’re and they have a moderator badge. And like in clubhouse, and they say something to the effect of you’re not that unique tune it out. Because that’s just negative self talk. Maybe they feel that they’re not unique. I think they’re pretty unique. But I almost wish, you know, they had said, you know, I never looked at it like that, instead of saying let’s agree to disagree. They couldn’t see my point. And sometimes people will do that they will not want to change their mind. And I’m in this boot camp with Christo. And one of the things that he talks about is be okay and be willing to have and reserved have the right to change your mind about something. And I’ve learned to do that a lot lately, I may have an initial reaction to something, I may be open and, and caring, and then I see things more clearly for what they are. And I have to say, Okay, I reserve the right to change my mind. So along the same lines of uniqueness, you know, I wonder when I do my artwork, you know, I’m not that original, there’s some pieces that are very original. And other times, I just copy what I see. But isn’t that what art is? Isn’t it just copying what you see, and maybe put your own spin on it, you’re using different colors or something else. And if I allow that narrative of, I’m not that unique. And in my head, I wouldn’t do any of the art, I guess I’m just saying, it’s important to, to embrace how unique and special and different and weird if you are weird, or you want to say that, some people have said that about themselves. I’m weird. And I get that I don’t think you’re weird. I think you’re unique. And then if I had listened to somebody else, say, well, we’re not unique, then we’d all be walking around like, you know, zombies doing exactly the same thing. Don’t let it get in your head, don’t let it control your own narrative about yourself. And I wanted to share that, I feel like I’ve had the ability to say what I wanted to say about it. And hopefully, if anybody’s on like the fence about thinking of doing something, I’m saying do it, it took a lot of I guess courage to do what I’m doing here took some skill, I hired a coach, I learned how to use the software and I, I got better at it. And I have two episodes left to record. Before I you know, close out the year, he feels a year ago, I can’t, I can’t even say what I thought this would be. And I don’t know where it’s gonna go after the next two episodes, I want to be able to keep going. But I feel sometimes like I’m running out of topics to talk about. And I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t, I don’t get a lot of feedback. You know, nobody fills out a common section. Because I don’t have one on my website,

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or I just keep that as a place to demonstrate what I can do from a creative perspective. I don’t even look at metrics for who visits the website. I love the website. I feel like it’s very unique in its design, and the way my artwork looks, it may not be the best artwork for a podcast cover. And in again, in that empowered podcasting room. There was some great advice given by the moderator, Mark Raonic. He’s wonderful when he shares his tips about podcasting. And he had just put out a reel that said, the mistakes that people make in their cover art. I don’t know if my cover art is good, or it’s bad. I mean, I like it. I think I could probably tweak it a little bit, make it a little bit more dynamic, but it’s uniquely me. And it’s a watercolor of me. So it feels different than everybody else’s. I don’t know if it’s busy or not i i would stop on it. And I think I think it says something about who I am as an individual. I don’t I don’t know if it’s the right thing based on what his what his he’s sharing on the reel. But I do agree with him. I think that there are certain things that do make you stop and look at somebody’s art and click on their podcast. And I cannot say whether it’s good, bad or indifferent, but I feel it’s unique to me, so I’m going to hang on to it. But what do I do next? That’s the bigger question. How do I continue to make this Don’t lose your balance podcast unique. Clearly each episode was very focused. I don’t see anyone on it not really. In podcasting, who just shares like one title, they have words that end up flowing off the page so you can’t even read what it’s all about. Mine is just one topic boundaries, infidelity, addiction, recovery, alcohol, doctors, whatever. I thought that was unique. But now what and I would be very curious to know if people would be you know, missing this thing after the next two episodes when I take A break, and maybe, maybe it’ll hit me between now. And two weeks from now, what I should do next? And I just don’t know, I know that recording episodes is something that I really like when I’m done. But sometimes I feel like it’s a struggle. Sometimes I feel like I talk in circles. Sometimes I feel like, oh, do I really feel like turning on Adobe Audition and speaking into the microphone, and sharing what I’m sharing? And who’s listening? And do I care? And what how do I feel? And I don’t know. And I’m hoping it’ll, it’ll hit me, I really am. I’m feeling that way. Also about gratitude. I’m feeling like, we’ve done it for a year. It’s, it’s the same sort of tone. It’s not, it’s not very unique anymore. But it’s reliable. And I know that if I come in, and other people come in, that we’re all going to share, and each prompt is different. Each prompt helps us share something unique about ourselves. And I like that. And will I miss it? If I don’t open this room? And will I miss it? If I don’t show up and join my friends in what they’re doing? I don’t know. You know how, you know, you’d have to try it. And then I have this fear in my head. Like, I sort of am afraid to try that. Because if I change my mind about it, is the door open for me to come back? Will people come back? Will people be upset if we stop? And for some people? Yeah, they would be upset if we stopped and other people come in when they feel like coming in. And that’s okay. So I just took a little pause when I was recording this particular episode, because I had to go open the gratitude room. And two people who had been in the Empowered podcasting room came into this room, and I was so happy to see them here.

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I gave myself some, I guess, Grace in how I’ve been feeling about sharing gratitude, and thinking to myself and thought, Well, I was thinking to myself, Should I keep going, should I keep doing this, and I have decided I’m not going to look at it as another whole year I’m going to look at it is just one more day, each day that I do it. Even if sometimes I don’t feel like doing something like getting out of bed in the morning. Or maybe I just want to lay in bed and work on my iPad and do procreate. But nevertheless, why am I sharing this because while I took this 40 minute break, and now I’m recording the rest of this episode, in closing, this sort of process that I’ve done is fairly unique, because like I went from the beginning of my episodes and sharing my story from a place of sharing it by scripting it and reading it back and did this read well versus recording it, and then editing and how it sounded well. And then talking about all the things I’ve been talking about over the last year, my process has evolved, which is unique for me. I also want to say that when people share gratitude, they are probably sharing things that are similar to what we’ve been going through or people that we are reminded of, you know, being thankful for whatever the prompt was. And I said, it’s unique, how I share my story on the internet is going to be unique to me. And when people are listening, and people are thinking they’re not that unique in themselves, they need to change that mindset. They are 100% unique, every single person is different. And when you share whatever you want to share with with other people and how you may want to share what you share. It may not be an original idea, but it will always be unique and individual to you. And I want that to be something that somebody comes away with. It’s very important that people understand this. So that’s all I’ve got. Okay, well if you like this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance. You can share it you can download it, you can even write me a review. I have a website, which is Don’t lose your balance.com and I have two accounts on Instagram. One is Mallory underscore Derek and the other is Don’t lose your balance. M S D That’s Mary Sam David. I hope today tomorrow and always you don’t lose your balance and I look forward to hearing how you didn’t lose your balance along your life’s journey and I’ll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Hi, I am Mallory Durrick. I am a creative. A Marketing Strategist and Web Designer with a small and modest boutique Marketing Agency living in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I am the creator and narrator of this podcast, Don’t Lose Your Balance. This is a culmination of decades of self-help books, countless doctors, numerous hospitals, including rehabs. Once a wife, now divorced, a mother, a grandmother and an addict in recovery. These are things that I am and have experienced.

I’m sharing it all. Baring it all. Hoping to help others; not lose their balance.