Episode 49: Perspective

Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the 49th episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. So I aired my 48th episode this morning. And I was a little nervous about airing that episode because it was a very, I mean, a lot of them are revealing. But it was a very revealing episode. It was, I think, timely in many ways. And I was nervous. And you know, the feedback has been fairly favorable. It’s only been a day. But what’s interesting, and as you can see, by today’s topic, it’s about perspective. And I’m not recording this episode on on my usual recording day, because I have it so fresh in my mind. And it’s about perspective and how when I think people get to the other side of balance, they see things very clearly very differently. And there’s something very powerful to be said about perspective. And that’s what I want to talk about today. You know, in gratitude this morning, we were talking a little bit about, I guess it’s kindness, I suppose it’s about it was about kindness, and what have you done for somebody? And I think it’s important to remain mindful. And I’ve done episodes on kindness before I think it’s very important to be mindful of what you’re contributing and are you being kind and what is the impact that you’re making on other people? What is that impact

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on you? What are you doing that also needs to perhaps give you a check in with yourself about your boundaries, because sometimes we do things constantly for other people, and they take advantage of us. So our perspective on what we’re doing is very skewed from the reality of what’s actually happening. But if you go back and listen to last week’s episode, which was about abandonment, you know, there’s a lot of different perspectives that a lot of different people are going to have when it comes to the reality. The thing that is always said is there’s your story. And there’s my story. And then there’s the truth. Well, we’re not talking about truths here. We’re talking about perspective, what do you see that’s different than the way I see it? So let’s say for example, somebody wants to talk to me about something. And I know that that’s happened in the past where they want to just share their truth. Well, my perspective is, I don’t want to really hear your truth right now, because I’m doing so well. And I don’t want to be reminded of something that’s super uncomfortable for me. I’m not saying that you don’t deserve an apology. But my perspective right now is that it wasn’t such a big deal. It was 20 years ago, and you’re still holding on to something that was upsetting to you, you have every right to feel that way. I am absolutely not saying you should not feel the way you want to feel. But the way I look at it, and the way this other person might be looking at it is considerably different. So we’re not kind of having the same perspective about what happened even though the truth is the truth. So I just got a message from the person that I had spoken about last week, and they did not feel abandoned. And yet I said that’s so interesting to me that that is what your reality is because I felt like I abandoned this person, you know, kind of at their worst when they weren’t doing so well. And I felt abandoned as well. When my ex husband who I obviously wanted a divorce from asked me for divorce in rehab. Clearly I said not the best timing, but his perspective of what was going on there. And my perspective of what was going on with me are very, very different. But the truth is the truth, I was on drugs, I had an affair, and you can’t deny that but each person is going to have a different sort of reality of how this thing all plays itself out and I get that so I don’t want to alter somebody else’s perspective or reality for what the truth is. for them, that’s the beauty of this podcast because I get to share my perspective. And I get to share it from a place of clarity because I’m sober. And because I’m being incredibly and brutally honest about myself and my truths. Now whoever might listen to this may have a very different perspective, a very different reality. And I’ve often said they are more than welcome to come on this podcast and share that reality if they have a problem with it with me. But so far, so good. That hasn’t happened. And I’m pretty grateful for that. I do want to say that for the listeners, perspective is important. When you don’t skew the reality, you have to as an individual, at least I did, look at what the truth is. And my reality is, a lot of these things happened. I didn’t not ever take ownership of them. But I wasn’t quite sure how I could, you know, as I talk about all the time, shift the narrative, meaning I don’t want this thing following me around all my life. And yet, I don’t know that it can’t anymore, follow me around my whole life. But it doesn’t have to be this ugly thing. The way I think I’ve in my perspective of this is the way that I think I’ve shifted that narrative is by turning everything that I went through, not into a positive but figuring out a way via my creativity to make it more positive than negative because like I’ve often said, I don’t think I’m home. I don’t think I’m all that unique. I think much of what I’ve been through millions of people go through and they’re not some you know, some of them stand on the rooftops and shout about but I just wanted to find a way to feel better. And by doing what I’ve done here, my perspective has completely changed in I’m not such an awful human being. I’ve been believing that about myself. And that self limiting belief has certainly gotten in the way of my personal life, as well as my professional life. And my perspective now is changing, sobriety provided a clarity of a different kind of a perspective, I got really clear on my boundaries. And I’m very, very honest about the way that I’m feeling my fallback is always to just say yes to everything all the time. And I want to say yes, a lot. But I can’t, I can’t because it’s just something that doesn’t necessarily work. For me. That doesn’t mean I’m being unkind. It just means I have a different perspective now of the way I hear what’s being asked of me or the way I see the realities of my life. And this works for me,

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I don’t want to change that I don’t necessarily want somebody else’s perspective of the way I should be living my life alter the reality of how I’m going to live my life. And I think that’s very, very important. So as I continue to talk a little bit about perspective, I think it’s very important also, that we as individuals never project our belief systems onto other people skewing their perspective and their reality of the way things are, I have had a lot of people in the course of my life. And especially, you know, in the last couple of years, they’ve said, You’ve got to go do this, and you got to go do that. Well, that’s your opinion. And while I appreciate it, I’m doing just fine. I can’t honestly say that unless we really get clear on our own perspective of how we want ourselves to be anything is ever going to be right for you individually, you’re always going to be looking at somebody on Instagram or Facebook or someone giving their reality because your perspective of the way they live a life is very different than the way they may actually live that life. I think that there was a colossal misconception about the way I was living my life for a very long time when I was a married person, even as a mom, and I hope that he you know, I really do I hope that my kids listen to this podcast at some point. It’s kind of like a, I guess, a little bit of a creep into my, you know, into my mother’s life and not how you’ve heard it from your dad and not how you’ve heard it from your aunt or your grandparents, but really hearing it from the perspective of the person who actually lived it. And why do I think this is so important? Well, I can only say that the reality that my children probably believe a certain way of life was for them was and that’s their perspective, and it’s their truth. But as adults, when we start to learn things about our parents, we get a different perspective. And I guess that’s what I’m here. hoping for I’m hoping for a shift in their perspective of the way their mother was, is I shouldn’t say was, should I? Because what was is no more. So what is your mother? What am I to them? You know, am I this untouchable person that they can’t have in their, you know life in a really honest and truthful way? I don’t know. And I guess they don’t know. And I’m looking to find out. And this is a really difficult question. And I’m putting it out there. Because I’m not sure that if I don’t put it out there that anything is really ever going to change. So we’ll see, you know, what I’m wondering about, I’m wondering that if we, as individuals get so used to the way people are in our lives as we grow up, that’s just the way they are, they’re always that way. However, I’m so different now than I was 20 years ago. I mean, obviously, we all grow, we all change, we all go through things.

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I think for myself, I’ve done some things pretty powerful, I think by sharing my story, and many people do this, I’m not unique, but sharing my story in the hopes that it will have a be a be a passageway for change. And sharing it from my perspective, in the context of how I’m doing it here. Like on this podcast, I’m hoping for a different perspective of the way things are, and the way things may be the way things can be, you know, like the future is unwritten yet is it so what I’m doing in the present is putting, putting my ugly truths on the internet, in the hopes that it will change somebody else’s perspective. You know, we go through this life, you know, one time we don’t get my father always said this, this is not a dress rehearsal, you don’t get a second chance at life, you may have a philosophy and life after death. But the truth is, we don’t know. So you better make the best of it here now what you’ve got. And I think for much of my youth, I, because I just didn’t know, I made so many mistakes that impacted so many people. Again, I’m not that unique. My perception and my perspective of life was that you’re supposed to get married and have children and buy a house and sell that house when it’s too small and buy a bigger house and take your vacations, and make good money and be educated and do all of these things. And I did all of those things. And for some strange, odd reason, there was a period of time where it all came crashing down on me. And I looked at my life. And I said no way, this is it. I know for so many people that sounds incredibly selfish and self indulgent. But I just felt like there had to have been something bigger, not better. I said Bigger, bigger in the impact may be bigger in all of the ways I looked at my life. And you’re supposed to, as a parent, look at your kids and say they are the most important individuals in your life. But if you’re not important to you, the perspective that you’re going to have is so skewed, and you’re not going to see your life for the way it should be and the way that it is. And I think this is such an important conversation. And I don’t know if a lot of people talk about it like this, you know, as I was in therapy, I don’t remember anyone ever asking me when I said I’m unhappy. And of course, they asked you why and you don’t really know. And so you’re reaching, I never really thought or maybe nobody ever asked like, Well, what did you think it was supposed to be? What was the perspective of what you thought life was gonna be like for yourself. And it always felt like it was this one big event after another big event. And these lulls were just that they they felt like there there was they felt like they were the impetus for a change. So if things were things were just the status quo, well, I guess we we need to go do something like move or take a vacation or I don’t know, I think I’m talking a little bit in circles. Because my decision to record this episode today is not my normal day. And so my thoughts are all over the place. But I didn’t want to lose what I had. And I’m not big on just sitting at the desk and typing and writing anymore. I like just talking about it. I have this whole new perspective of the way my life can be. And I am I’m so grateful. for that, because it was sobriety that actually gave me that clarity. It was surprised. It was the sobriety that allowed me to see life being exactly what it is, there are days that are boring. And there are days that are lonely. And there are days that are really fun. And every day is a different day. But it doesn’t skew too much in one direction or the other, which is what I am calling balance. And so when I talk in this podcast about don’t lose your balance, your perspective of how your life should be, and the reality of the way it is for somebody else in your life may be very, very different. And hopefully, you’ll be able to find a way to share that to communicate that with somebody else. Because this life is not about living all by yourself, even though I feel in my perspective right now is that I am all by myself, I’m really not. I have two adult children, I

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have a little grandson who’s as cute as a button, and sweet. You know, and I love my family. And I really love my life. And my perspective. 20 years ago, was I hated my life. I was grateful, I would say the words I’m grateful for life. But I wasn’t happy. And my perspective of my future was even more bleak. And I kept saying, There’s no way I’m coming out of this just no way. Even when I was sober after I got out of rehab, it didn’t look the way it looks. Now. I was I was sober. I was I was probably sober for a six month window. I mean, I never went back to the bike and and but I did continue to drink. After six months of rehab, I started drinking a little wine again. And I remember that day. I’m sorry I ever did that. But I wasn’t really ready to let it go. And I never really believed that alcohol was the problem. I still don’t think alcohol was the problem. I think it’s sugar. But sugar and alcohol doesn’t matter. I don’t care if my perspective is that, you know, alcohol is not a problem. I can say that not having alcohol isn’t a problem. So why bother having it so I’m good. But I remember thinking there’s my life is just awful. I have, I have nothing great to look forward to. I’m getting a divorce, I am divorced, I’m, I’ve got no money, I’m in debt. I’m never gonna get out of this. And you know, the funny thing about life is time’s gonna move along anyway. And you know, people say, well, let’s sleep on it or wake up in the morning, you’ll have a whole new perspective in the way you would approach something, or how you might respond to something, these are very important things to remember, the perspective that one person has right now is not going to be the way it is in your future. Clearly, you have to make better decisions in your life. If it’s not going well. You have to look at what’s not going well for yourself. And you have to change your perspective on how you want to live your life. You can’t keep doing that same thing over and over again and expect a different result. Clearly that’s not going to work for you. A lot of times, that’s what happens, but it doesn’t work. And I’m here to tell you that as soon as I started giving up, you know, the things like I talked about the toxicity and the unpleasantries and when I was in debt, I had to come up with a plan. And it wasn’t going to be a plan that Okay, today is one day and then tomorrow, it’s going to be fixed. But that five year seven year 10 year plan, I knew I had it in me. And my perspective had changed, things changed. So for people who are feeling like nothing’s ever gonna get better. Yes, they are. You have to recognize that it’s your perspective on how bad things you know, the reality is, yeah, the bad things are probably happening. But so are good things and shifting the perspective of how you want to live in that world is a very, it. I don’t think I really thought about this before. It’s very different. It’s only in hindsight that we can see the positivity of it all that we are told to share our story from that scar not wound, and that when we do share, share what your you’re ready and willing to share so that for those who are willing to listen and ready to listen, it can be a powerful message.

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I can’t tell you how many audiobooks I’ve been listening to that people have recommended to me to read years ago. While I just needed a different perspective. I needed to go out and get a walk and put in Put my air pods in and just listen to the book rather than reading it. And what a different perspective I have just in my personal life, as well as my professional life, definitely my professional life, I don’t see myself as somebody who doesn’t have the skills or the talent, my perspective is completely different now. And even if I don’t get all the wins, I’m okay with that. As long as I get to do what I really like to do, which is design, that’s where I’m happiest. And that’s going to be to the benefit of my client. Because I’m at my best when I’m doing that, you know what else I’m thinking? I’m thinking that another way of having a different sort of perspective, you know, on your life, maybe not on your past, because your truths are different. But sometimes you need to just shake up the routine that you’ve managed to get into, I like structure, I never knew that about myself before until I realized in quarantine, well, I’d get up and I would go to my desk, and I would do certain things. And I would go to the market and I would go back to my desk, and I would go to sleep and the days would repeat. And the months would repeat. And then the year would repeat. And what I learned was I like this structured routine, however, doesn’t give you a different perspective. Like I had said, I put the air pods in, I go for a walk, I listened to an audio book, and I actually finished the book. It’s not collecting dust on a shelf. So I have a different perspective of how I am willing to, you know, retain information. It’s no different than changing the perspective of even this podcast. Like I had this idea in my head, what I wanted to talk about for next week, which is this week, and I’m recording it on a different day because it was fresh in my mind. And I struggled because my routine is all messed up. And I turned off my air conditioning because I wanted to make sure that there wasn’t any of that background hum. And I have recorded five minutes here, eight minutes there and then listen back and took out any of the glitchy things that I didn’t like that was in it, it’s giving me a different perspective, the end result may be the same. I may exact, I may have a podcast episode that I’m really excited about. It’s 49 episodes, I’m looking back on all 48 episodes having been recorded and thinking, Well, I’ve only got a couple more till I get to 52 What then, what is my perspective of where this podcast should go? To I hire a new coach. You know, do I make it about business? Do I talk about my life I’m getting I’m getting kind of like stuck. So I need a different perspective on how I want this thing to go. I know that my business is changing in the ways that I’m focusing on my business things I’m I’m starting to remove some stuff that I offer as a service, even though I can offer it because I know how to do it. I just don’t think it serves my clients or me very well. But when it comes to the things that I do want to focus on, I want to make sure that that is evidently clear, let’s say even in my website. So for me, my perspective is changing. Because I’m changing, I’m growing, I’m not going to stay in this one place. Even though I’m in a great place. I’m not going to stay like this forever. I will say that if somebody who listens to this podcast feels like nothing is ever going to change, have a different perspective, do something to get out of your comfort zone. This podcast was a really difficult thing. I was not comfortable at all getting on audio and working in a program to edit and upload. And then I got into the habit and in the last year of doing that, and my perspective has changed the way I listen has changed as a result of clubhouse my feelings of gratitude have changed because I spent a year you know in five days time it’s going to be a full year of gratitude. Can you imagine showing up every single day for one year to share gratitude with people you’ve never met in person through an audio app on clubhouse? Pretty remarkable stuff.

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All right. Well, my perspective is that I’m sweating because my air conditioning is turned off. And I hope that this was a good episode and you know very different maybe it’s what I needed. I needed to get out of my comfort zone and in and you know, I’ll probably still record on Saturday anyway, but anyway. Okay, well, that’s all I’ve got. I hope you enjoyed it. Well, if you like this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance. You can share it. You can download it, you can even write me a review. I’d appreciate that. I have a website which is Don’t lose your balance.com and I have two accounts on Instagram. One is Don’t lose your balance MSD and the other is Mallory underscore Duric. I hope today tomorrow and always you don’t lose your balance and I look forward to hearing how you didn’t lose your balance along your life’s journey and I’ll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Hi, I am Mallory Durrick. I am a creative. A Marketing Strategist and Web Designer with a small and modest boutique Marketing Agency living in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I am the creator and narrator of this podcast, Don’t Lose Your Balance. This is a culmination of decades of self-help books, countless doctors, numerous hospitals, including rehabs. Once a wife, now divorced, a mother, a grandmother and an addict in recovery. These are things that I am and have experienced.

I’m sharing it all. Baring it all. Hoping to help others; not lose their balance.