If someone would have told me that in my late 50s, I’d be recording a podcast and titled Don’t lose your balance. I’d have waved my hand in their face laughed under my breath, shaking my head and stated, you’re nuts. Little did I realize that I was the one that had gone nuts. Literally. This is a story a journey scripted, unscripted about the life of one woman, the people along the way, the trials and tribulations to say to you get ready, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. So hang on tight, and don’t lose your balance with Mallory Durrick.
Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the 28th episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. I just close out the gratitude room with my friends on clubhouse. And we talked today about acceptance, which is really interesting, because I was going to talk about that topic anyway. So when the topic came up, I’m gonna read it actually, because I think it’s pretty relevant. Accept life as it comes. Accept that you cannot control everything in it. Acceptance does not mean giving up the means not living in denial, acknowledged reality, and you can avoid so many awful feelings, you’ll be more resilient. And then with a cool head and a smile, you can endeavor to change those things you don’t like and make life better. So we had quite a few shares. And I think the biggest takeaway for me was this, you know, reality that acceptance does not mean being necessarily happy about whatever you have to accept. By definition, acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation recognizing a process or a condition without attempting to change it or to protest it. Acceptance does not mean giving up. It means not living in denial. And I said that twice, because I think there is something very powerful about that message, when you actually accept what is you make room for a path for change, it doesn’t mean loving it, it doesn’t mean enjoying it, it doesn’t mean checking the box, or consenting to the terms of conditions of a harshness or an unwelcome reality. It means just accepting it. What happens is when you accept something, you’re not living in this world of how do I put this, you’re not living in this world of so much difficulty. You’re not struggling with the fight to have it the way you want it. But it does allow room once you accept it to make room for changes that are positive. What does that mean? Well, let’s go back to the pill addiction. Let’s go back 20 years to the addiction to vikan. I had to accept the reality, the harsh reality that I was very unhealthy and that I could no longer do this. On my own. I had to accept that I had a problem with Vikatan. I had to accept that I needed help. I had to accept that I had to go to go to rehab, I had to accept that I had to stay there for 30 days, I had to accept that, in all likelihood, I probably couldn’t have pain medication ever again. Thankfully, that’s not the case. I’ve had operations in my past since then, where pain medication has been given to me administered to me and I didn’t become addicted to it. But I do feel that it’s something I have to be very careful with not unlike alcohol, I had to accept that Alcohol Justice not suit my brain chemistry. It doesn’t mean that I’m a non functioning human being who’s stumbling all over the place. There were definitely times where I’m not real proud of that behavior. And I’m not living in the denial of what that looks like for recovery and acceptance, you know, is that first step in a even though I talk about a not really the 12 step program not really working for me. I still went through it. I have tried to control I don’t know whether it’s other people or my own realities by not necessarily accepting what is I am I think that once you accept what is in your life, this makes room for so much greatness for change. You know, when I accepted that I had a problem, I was able to start my road to recovery from addiction into a healthy place, although there were a lot of other extenuating circumstances that went inside of all of that, that I did not maybe address until much later. It’s just too much to bear all at one time, I had to recognize the reality was that I had a problem. And the only way to fix this problem was to get on a different kind of medication. What I didn’t realize was that that other medication that I stayed on for 10 years would become a new problem. And when I say it’s a problem, it was hard to break free from it, it took four months, it wasn’t super painful, like it was in withdrawal from the drugs, but it could have been super painful if it was not medically supervised, which is to withdrawal from suboxone can be a very painful thing, if you don’t do it slowly. And it’s easier than I think withdrawing from the Vicodin. Because Vicodin has this tolerance. Suboxone does not I could go from, you know, 24 milligrams down to two and stay on those two milligrams for a long time. And I am digressing because I had to accept that I might have been equally a I don’t want to say addicted but I’m going to say dependent on a new medication. So I sort of traded one for the other. And I wanted out in situations that I have had in my past that somehow were following me into my present.
And I certainly didn’t want them following me into my future, I had to accept the harsh reality that these were things that I have done, and they are not who I am. As a result, they’re just things that I have done. And what was I going to do now in my present to accept, Hey, these are the things you’ve done, what are you going to do to heal because I had to recognize and accept that other people may not have healed, I don’t know if they have healed, I hope they have healed and certainly evidence points to healthier relationships. So that’s all positive. And I can only move forward from this day, making changes from behaviors that may not have suited others. And I feel like I’ve done some great things in my life, you know, things are going very, very well for me right now. And I’m not 100% certain if it was a matter of accepting the reality that, you know, being on my own is more favorable, creating this podcast, which is this Weekly Journal of my life, if you will, that hopefully helps others, but most definitely helps me, I’m not living in denial of any of the realities that, you know, I did the things that I did, for whatever reasons at the time that I did them. Like I said, these are things that happened, because of my actions. And I probably were was not thinking about what the ramifications were I I’m pretty confident I probably said, I’ll worry about that for another day. I don’t know if and I clearly didn’t have one. But if I had a crystal ball, and I could see how it would have impacted the other people around me if I was able to even make better choices. And it doesn’t matter because I couldn’t see through a crystal ball. However, I can look through this LOOKING GLASS OF MY pass and make positive changes through my creativity and through creating these topics. And I sometimes feel like I’m rambling a little bit about the subject matter at heart, and that’s okay. The truth of the matter is the only thing that I can truly accept is that I can control my reaction to events that have happened in my past, and to those that are happening in my present. I catch myself I do I catch myself. Often when I find myself. I don’t want to use the word slipping. I’m not slipping. I could say I’m falling into familiar patterns, and I catch myself and I’ll say, Hmm, don’t you do that Mallory, you need to accept that a new reality for you is that it takes a little bit more consciousness to be okay with whatever gets presented. I can feel when I’m presented with a complex task at work. My familiar Your feeling is to feel a little sense of panic. And then I say, No, you can manage this, just take a deep breath, Nobody’s expecting you to do something in five minutes, you can ask for help. And that really helps. It does. I can’t even remember a time where I have been so conscientious, even during the times of rehab, or even during times of therapy, where I was so present about where I am. And I hope for everyone, including for myself, that when we can think about the acceptance, the realities that are presented to us that we accept them for what they are, rather than trying to control that narrative of others, and only control the narrative for ourselves that we sort of get it. You know, I talk about the s training and the forum, which I done, I’m a graduate of both, I did the s training when I was 15. And the forum when I was 19. And they talk about acceptance all the time, and getting it and accepting what is and not fighting so hard to have it come your way. Because once that Acceptance comes into your consciousness, you change, you have room to change. And I said that in the beginning, but I think it’s a pretty powerful thing, in your relationships with other people in horrible things that happen to you, around you. It’s not joyful all the time to be accepting of the way things are. In fact, sometimes it really sucks to accept things, the way they are people who are sick, people who die children who die accepting that is so awful. Why would anybody want to accept that, however, no matter how bad something gets, when you can allow yourself to accept the reality, you don’t have to like it. But if you can learn how to accept it, the fight becomes less of a struggle, you manage it, you deal with it, in our family, you figure it out. And there’s something extraordinary about that. But it doesn’t come with balloons and unicorns and rainbows. It doesn’t.
It’s not always easy to accept that we are who we are or that somebody else is who they are or that they’re very, very sick, that it’s a horrible thing to have to accept. And I don’t want to make it sound like if you accept everything is going to be great. It’s not, but it does make room for a path for change and greatness. And I know this because I had been through a situation within the last year that I did not want to accept the reality of what had occurred. But I could accept that my past was coming into my present. And I believe that there was only one way to change it. And that was to do exactly what I’m doing right now. It’s not just about recording these episodes and throwing them into the universe. It was about living more healthfully and choosing not to put toxic substances in my body so that I could be 100% present and mindful of what was happening around me. And you know, once I accepted that I probably can’t drink again, I don’t even want to drink again. But once I accepted that my brain chemistry just doesn’t like it. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know whether it’s the toxic chemicals that are in alcohol. But something in my brain just switches and I don’t think now that I can look back on it. I don’t think I ever realized just how bad it was. And the funny thing is, I don’t think I even enjoyed it that much. I sometimes enjoyed it. But most of the time, I always would say to myself, I shouldn’t have had that extra glass of wine. You know, the alcohol didn’t feel as great of a problem as that of the vikan. But it probably was in the eyes of like my mother and my sister and my children. But now that it’s been removed over two years from my system, my body is saying thank you very much. My liver is saying thank you very much. I accepted the reality that I can’t really drink and I don’t even want to drink. I like living alcohol free. I like feeling cleansed from that. I like that when things are happening around me. It’s not negative for a result of something toxic that probably lead that lead that in my reality. I like that I can be present. I like that I can feel clean. I accept the things that I’ve done as just that These are the things that I’ve done, I am a human being, I’ve made my share of mistakes, I’ve managed to not die in the process. And now I have accepted that the things that I have done are just that, and I’m going to choose to live a much healthier life, which makes room for that change I keep talking about, and it does bear repeating that it helps show a lot of resilience. And I know I talked about resilience last week, and they go hand in hand, because when you accept you become way more resilient, and that is a fantastic thing. So before I close out this episode, I want to ask a question, what what what are you holding on to that you have not allowed yourself to accept? And again, I am not suggesting you have to do it with a smile on your face. But what might you be holding on to that you’re not accepting? And then play a little game with yourself. Try accepting it, even though it feels completely ridiculous and awkward. Just try accepting it. And then each time you slip and say, I can’t accept this, try again and tell me you don’t have to actually tell me but tell me what happens. You will feel a shift, I can bet you will feel a shift in the way your sense of reality is. Again, this is not about unicorns, rainbows and butterflies. This is sometimes just about accepting what is in giving up the fight, giving up the struggle so that you can move forward. Okay. Well, if you found value in this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance, I hope you’ll share it with somebody download it. Follow me on Instagram, I have two handles. One is Don’t lose your balance M Sc and the other is Mallory underscore Duric. I also have a website don’t lose your balance calm. You can find some resources online. You can see the episodes even read the transcripts. I hope today and tomorrow and always you find your balance along your life journey. And
I’ll see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai