Episode 47: Change

Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the 47th episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. I’m very close to the end. I know, I don’t know if anybody cares about it as much as I care about it. And what I’d like to talk to everyone today or even you whoever’s listening is about change, and how change has impacted me. And my acknowledgement of change has impacted me over the years. So one thing I have to say that has stuck with me throughout most of my life was something my stepfather has always said Mallory, the only thing permanent in life is change. And there’s some good to that. And there’s some bad to that even though the reality is that is the most accurate way we can describe life. The bad part is when you get to a good place in your life, you don’t want things to change. But the good part is when you’re at a bad place in your life, you do want things to change. But what I strive for is a level of balance. So while I recognize that things have to change, I don’t want them to change drastically, I don’t want my entire life to be turned upside down because of change. And generally speaking, the changes that have happened in my life haven’t really happened dramatically, they have been this slow burn the slow course of let’s say, even going down the wrong path that didn’t go from one day to the next day that went from one day over the course of maybe a year, two years, three years, four years. And then that path was so bad that in order to get to a place of new change, better decisions had to be made better actions were taken, in which case, I could speak from it in hindsight that these were the positive things that have occurred in my lifetime, or in my recent lifetime, from the bad to the good. There are definitely things that I want to recognize about how good change can be. If you are maybe you’ve negatively changed your body weight, or you’re just getting older, obviously, and you’re gaining more weight, you have it within your control, to do things to powerfully change the way you feel and look in your own skin. So you start eating differently, hopefully better, and you start moving your body, hopefully walking to more, you know, powerful forms of exercise. And you start to feel like these changes that you’ve made in your body are being rewarded by looking in the mirror and you’re saying I love the way I look. You get on the scale, you love the what the number reads. And most importantly, you love the way you feel in your own skin. That is a positive change. Conversely, if you sit around and a lot of us sat around during quarantine, and don’t move your body and buy food or eat food, that is, as we know, unhealthy for you, this is the most obvious stuff, your body is going to change negatively, you’re not going to like how you feel in your own skin, you’re not going to like the number on the scale, and you’re not going to feel like you are doing anything to you know, eat well, or move. And then we don’t really realize the responsibility that we had in that negative change by not doing and so then we say, super motivated, I’m going to change and I’m going to turn over a new leaf and I’m going to start exercising again and start eating better. The motivation to do so is so awesome. But the commitment to stick with it is where people most people fail, including myself. And over the over the years. There was a time where physical fitness was such an important part of my life. I mean, I was an instructor and the changes that I had made in my mental capacity were good ones except when they weren’t. So let’s talk a little bit about change in what you want for your life. Whether it’s a family, whether it’s leaving a partner or spouse, whether it’s needing to have something different, but you’re not sure what that looks like, you know, I go back in time. And let’s say I’m in my mid 30s, I remember feeling that there was just something that was so off, and that something needed to change. And I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, I wasn’t in a position where I could just up and walk out of my marriage or leave my children. And nor did I actually ever really want either one of those things. What I wanted was a change. I wanted my relationship with my husband to be more communicative. I wanted to be heard, I wanted to feel something in my marriage that I wasn’t feeling. And no matter how I may have attempted to communicate that clearly, I didn’t communicate it well enough. I do remember feeling like it was all my fault, in which case, I couldn’t fix the marriage. And as a result, I made some pretty bad choices, very bad decisions that took me on a really poor course of change. As I look back on it, you know, 20, some odd years later, I think to myself, well look at where you are now. And where I went from 20 years, which sounds like a really long time. And it is, and I’m not suggesting, oh, if you want change, don’t worry, in 20 years, you’re gonna get there. Some people will get there a year from now, some people might even get there six months from now. But it took me a really long time to figure out what did I have to do to feel secure in all of the changes that I wanted made. I remember also feeling after I got off the vikan. And my divorce was beginning. I remember thinking to myself, this is the change that I was looking for. I’m 100% terrified. But I can’t worry about all this fear, I have to just trust the process. I did. I did think that and it was hard. And I felt really lost and really, really alone. And I remember, you know, being in this neighborhood in which I live now, but I live in a different place in this neighborhood. I remember thinking to myself, that was July 4 weekend, this was July 4 weekend, I am alone, and my family is gone. My husband had taken the children, my soon to be ex husband had taken the kids away. And I remember thinking, well, there’s gotta be something going on in this neighborhood that I can do. And I remember there was a party in the neighborhood. And nobody was coming for me to invite me. And I just sat at my house for four days all by myself feeling really sad. You know, I wasn’t drinking, I remember feeling this is a change, and it doesn’t feel too positive. What I could say in hindsight was well, that was one, you know, the decision that you made put you exactly where you were alone on a July 4 weekend, 20 years ago. And that was the decisions that you made. So you got to live with it. These are the changes that you may have been looking for, I needed to grow, I needed to learn independence, I needed to figure out a way to be on my own. But I didn’t do that back then I didn’t I remember going into a new relationship, and then another one and being so afraid of being alone and so abandoned, that I stayed in it even when I should have left. And it wasn’t until I really left and really created change. And what did that change look like? It was terrifying. Changes terrifying. Because we know we’re not happy where we are. And we know we want to get somewhere. And maybe we don’t really know where that place is we we sort of think about where it is. But I love what Christos says or somebody in Chris’s dough circle says he’s from the future. And if you look up Christo on, if you’re not familiar with who he is, he’s remarkable men. I’ll get to that in a second. But there was a podcast episode where the woman said, If you don’t know where you’re going, all roads will lead there. And I embraced that while I was on my walk looking for my change. And this was recent. I’m like, yeah, that that’s so true. If you don’t know where you’re going all roads lead there. At the same time, there was another phrase that was said that when you’re on of course going to your destination, and let’s say you’re going to a city and you’re driving and there’s a huge accident at the road on the road, you detour and you still you don’t turn around and say okay, I’m not gonna go to my destination, you figure out another way of getting there, which is a change. Some of these changes are far more subtle than others. I get that and some will have a fentanyl maybe a greater impact on us than others. But if you don’t like the way you feel if you don’t like the way you look, if you don’t like where you are in your career, nobody is suggesting you that it’s going to be easy to get there. But there is something to be said about knowing where your final destination is, what do you want your life to look like? Because the changes are going to happen anyway, what I would question is how much control we have over those changes. And I would say that when we’re conscious of them, we have far more control than we give ourselves credit for. And I know that this is the way it’s worked for me. We talked today in the gratitude room about luck. And while one could certainly make the argument that being in the right place at the right time, there’s an element of luck to that. But does that mean that if things don’t happen for you that you’re just unlucky? unlucky in love and lucky in career unlucky in a lot of things? And the answer is no, there’s hard work, there’s a level of commitment. And there’s this willingness to be adaptable as human beings, and to change because even though we might have this final destination, we may not be able to take the road that we wanted to, it’s only in hindsight, that we can reflect on it and say, Wow, that was so much better for me. You know, I’ll use another example of when I made the decision as a result of the liver diagnosis to stop drinking, I never anticipated that two and a half years later, it would have had such a great emotional impact on me, I thought it would be something I would be longing for. And I didn’t, I just stopped and said, Wow, I felt I feel great. I slept better. And that was a good change that I made in my life. But it was a compounding effect, the changes that continue to follow as a result of that one decision. Now, I will say that last year, last June, there was a big stumble, I did not drink, but I wanted to drink because it was sort of my go to for my coping mechanism. But I didn’t do it. And what did I do was, I created this podcast as a format for which I could share my life story for those who are willing to listen, and most of all for me, and then growth happen, which I’ve talked about, which is change. I’ve changed. I’m changing, I’m always changing, which makes me afraid a little bit because things are going well. And I don’t want them to change negatively. And one could say, Well, why would they change negatively? If you continue on the same course that you’re on? Well, I don’t know, it could. But I have to say that it’s within my control to ensure that it doesn’t by not making any horrifically bold mistakes. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to take risks or make investments in my personal and professional future I do I get nervous when a client decides to go in another direction. I feel like I failed. And then I think well, does that not like my mother always says, if you know that door closes, another door will open. And of course that happens. But sometimes both doors could stay open. And you could learn from both of them. And you can grow from both of them. I’m always on the I don’t know, I guess I always come from this mindset that I’m always looking over my shoulder. When is that bad ball gonna drop again? And then I think back to today’s clubhouse room about luck. And I’m like, Was that just was I just unlucky? I don’t think so because I’ve consistently been on a better course of change and growth and everything that I’ve talked about than not because of the decisions that I’ve made, instead of, you know, going to a restaurant and sitting and having a glass of wine by myself, I might do something creatively. And I am growing as a result of that because of the better choice that I’ve made. And I’ve talked about choice. So change. Yeah, the only thing permanent life has changed. And I I want to stay on the happy course of life where my changes are continuing to change but in the right direction. And that’s within my control of how that’s going to happen. I’m not going to change by doing exactly the same thing. So I continue to challenge myself with new opportunities. Currently, I signed up for Christos bootcamp. Now I’m already in the future, which is what his company is called the future. And it’s an online resource. So there’s podcasts there speaking engagements, and it’s for creatives who want to be part of a community and not unlike maybe Facebook groups. Christo is an amazing human being. I’ve talked about him briefly, I think on this podcast, but I have really taken a very deep dive into what his program is all about and what I can get out of it. Now let’s Let me make this clear. He offers so much free information and content. You do not have to pay $1 for everything. I mean for everything. Yeah, but for anything, you do not have to pay any money, you can find him on a podcast, you can find him on YouTube. It’s all you can find him on Instagram. And he gives away everything, not everything. But you know what I mean? He just gives away so much. And then you think to yourself, Well, now that I’ve, you know, started, I don’t know, what’s the word absorbing now that I’ve started absorbing all of his great content for free. What else is out there? Because I have this urge to change, to grow to be better at my career to learn more, that’s always something I’ve been. And I keep seeking out places. I’m on the Christo train,

15:52

I get it. So anyway, I I joined in November, I think

15:57

it was I started signing up for his digital courses, you go on to his website, there was a 25% discount for Black Friday, about typography, about all kinds of things about logo design, about style, about branding. And I started buying these courses, and I’ve listened to some and I’ve let them and I’ve let others just sit there and that’s okay. And then I decided during one of his free webinars to join his pro group. And I go in and out of that, and I get to meet other creatives and people who are all over the world similarly to clubhouse, keeping in mind, why am I doing this? I’m doing this because I want to grow and change. Then I was on this free webinar two weeks ago. And he was he was having one more boot camp for 2022. And my mother said, What’s a bootcamp? Well, it’s a more intensive eight week online course with live content and a direct access to Christo himself. And I had said in clubhouse by the end of 2022, Christo is going to know who I am. And I don’t know why that’s so important to me, other than the fact that I really like this guy. I think he is smart. I think he is considerate. I think he is kind he represents so many of my core values, and I want to be aligned with him. I have not ever really felt that way about anyone you ever. I mean, you know, from somebody like a almost like a mentor, but I know he’s not mentoring me. So for a great deal of money, I signed up for this bootcamp. And I remember in 2021, maybe it was 2020 I, maybe it was 2021. And I don’t think that that date matters. But I do want to say that maybe a year or a year and a half ago, when I was looking for these changes, I wasn’t ready for a very expensive course called boot camp with Christo, I was more ready for all his free content because I was growing but I wasn’t ready to dive like I’m so ready to dive into the deep end of the poll, I wasn’t really ready. But when a year or a year and a half later occurred, I realized I have I have changed in many, many ways as a result of some of these great decisions that I’ve made. And I am ready for the opportunity to take a boot camp that costs a lot of money that a year and a half I would never have been willing to part with. And the only reason I say that is number one, I probably didn’t have it. And number two, it was it was scary to me to make an investment in myself with that much money, without any guarantee that I’m going to come out of this thing any better, greater or different. But one thing he said to somebody yesterday really struck me is wonderful, you know, the money, we need to have money put away, obviously, we need to have enough money to be put to put away so if we don’t have any clients, we’re still going to be okay. But he said something that nobody has ever said you should spend the money in your life on your experiences. So if you want to take a trip, if you want to learn how to do something, and you need to make an investment in the course, maybe it’s painting and you want to, you know, maybe you have to spend some money for that I realized that I was ready to make a financial investment in my professional career. Because when I do that I changed for the better. I I can’t just take these little things that I learned these little droplets and gems without the context from which they are intended to be spoken from. So when somebody says just charge more, if you just charge more without context for why you’re charging more or understanding why you’re charging more than You shouldn’t be charging more. So I realize that I’m losing some of the contacts because I’m not part of the bigger conversation. I’m not reading the books, I’m not listening to the podcasts, I’m not doing the work, I’m not engaging with the right people. And therefore, I’m not changing. So here I am making this huge investment in myself without any guarantee for an outcome. But I do know that there will be an outcome because I have the faith that when you do the work, there is something positive that happens at the end of all of it. I’m already learning I’m already meeting really interesting people from like Scotland. And even though I meet all these people on clubhouse, it’s just different. Now, I’m on Zoom calls face to face, and meeting people who share similar desires as me to grow within their own organization. And they may be website designers just like me, but they have a desire to charge more. But now they too will have the contexts and why it’s so important to do certain things in your company, to work on your to work on your own business, you know, I have learned to hire other people, not to help me with my clients. But to help me with myself, there are certain things that I just got too close to and I couldn’t do it. Or maybe I just didn’t know how but I wanted to do it like hiring a logo designer out of the UK. And I recently hired somebody to do a social media pack for me, for me for my business, despite the fact that I do it for other companies that I’m not great at it, it’s hard to speak in a client’s voice and tone without really having that bigger conversation. And I can’t be the person that’s going to say, well, I can get your phone to ring, I can’t get your phone to ring, I’m working on getting my own phone to ring. So you have to do the work just like I have to do the work. And what I realized is when I invest the money, when I pay somebody to do my logo, and I make it shine beautifully on a website that I create, or I hire somebody to do my social media pack, which we’ll see what happens, I’m far more accountable to making sure that the homework that they give me gets done, I send them the images, I send them my brand material, which I couldn’t have done if I didn’t have my logo design last year. And then I think about Christo and the futures bootcamp business boot camp, this huge investment. Well, it’s not like taking $100 course that you can say I’ll get to it when I get to it. And so oftentimes, we buy these online courses, and we never really watch them, we know that they’re sitting there in some kind of a, you know, forever evergreen funnel of, you know, great content that we can always tap into. And then I sometimes forget that I even bought it. But in this case, this large investment makes me superbly accountable. Because my end goal is change, I want to be in a different place than I am a better place a more profitable place than I am. And don’t get me wrong, it makes me nervous, because I’m in a good place. But that doesn’t mean I should say forever in this place. Because I know that change is inevitable. What I don’t want is to get lazy, I want to keep growing, keep listening to podcasts that make me smarter and having those, you know, fantastic aha moments. And I want my future to be as wonderful as my present right now. But you have to keep working at that. You can’t just sit around doing nothing or even doing the same things. Because if you’re not careful and you’re not watching closely change can be negative to you might end up completely in a different place than where you thought you were going to be. Because you did nothing. So I know that I can only get something powerful and beneficial out of this huge investment with the business bootcamp positive change, it can’t be negative, it wouldn’t be negative. I would be very surprised. It already is positive what I got out of the first two weeks, and I’ve had two conversations with Christo, who was the most remarkable human being who’s impacting my life in such a positive way, because he’s making me think about myself as a creative and what are my self limiting beliefs and, you know, I’ve talked about this and I know you’re listening mom, and I’m gonna speak to you, you know, like my most accomplished daughter versus my most talented one. And that has created this like self limiting belief of me, I’m not going to ever be accomplished. And it’s not because I think you think that I’m not accomplished. It’s just that the bar is set really high in my own head. And so I have to embrace whatever that is and say, Okay, I’m gonna give it a name. That is not true. I am both talented and accomplished. And I know you know that. And I know you’re saying to yourself, I never said it that way. I know. But that’s what I heard, not for any other reason, then it’s just the way I felt, I knew that I wasn’t very accomplished six years ago, almost seven, but I am accomplished and I am accomplishing great things because I am changing and evolving. Another self limiting belief was, and I’m running out of time, I’m not running out of time, I’m just getting older, and was what I do with that time, that’s going to be more impactful than not. And I think this is all very, very important to talk about. Because it’s all part of the changing process. You know, I  am eating really healthfully, I’m going on walks, I’m listening to podcasts that are not a book. And there’s nothing wrong with a book. I mean, like a fiction book, and nothing wrong with that. I just don’t think it’s the best use of my 45 minutes to an hour on my walk. And so I’m back into the genre of self improvement, professional improvement. And things that I’ve heard people say on clubhouse and specific rooms are starting to click and make sense. And the things that I’m doing today will bring about positive changes in the future. And that’s what I wanted to talk about today. That’s where I am talking about it changes in the future, what you do today and the decisions that you make, you know, so that’s all I got. All right, well, I hope you enjoyed this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance. If so you can share it. You can download it, you can even write me a review. I’m also on Facebook, and I have two accounts on Instagram one is Mallory underscore direct and the other is Don’t lose your balance am St. Mary salmon David, and I have a website which is Don’t lose your balance.com I hope today tomorrow and always you don’t lose your balance and I look forward to hearing how you didn’t lose your balance along your life’s journey and I’ll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Hi, I am Mallory Durrick. I am a creative. A Marketing Strategist and Web Designer with a small and modest boutique Marketing Agency living in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I am the creator and narrator of this podcast, Don’t Lose Your Balance. This is a culmination of decades of self-help books, countless doctors, numerous hospitals, including rehabs. Once a wife, now divorced, a mother, a grandmother and an addict in recovery. These are things that I am and have experienced.

I’m sharing it all. Baring it all. Hoping to help others; not lose their balance.