Episode 38: Community

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Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the 38th episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. By the title of this episode community, I think it’s worth noting that there have been definite communities in my lifetime that have had super great impacts on me. So let’s talk about that. I want to speak from the most recent and the most profound one, and then I’ll sort of branch out from there. And that community space that I am referring to is clubhouse. So clubhouse is a audio only app for I don’t know, for people who are listening, and maybe they found me through some hashtags. And I went on Instagram, if you’ve never heard of clubhouse clubhouse is an audio only app that you can get on iOS and Android. It started for me in January of 2021 by invitation only, and you had to have an iPhone that has changed. Anybody can join clubhouse, and you don’t need an invitation. So any device and you don’t need an invite. But let’s talk a little bit about what brought me to clubhouse in the first place. You know, it’s funny, because I have a tendency to be the kind of person that suffers from FOMO. You know, if somebody is doing something, talking about something, having something saying how great something might be, I think to myself, is that something that I should be doing? And I feel like I get this feeling of I’m missing out on something. Why is everybody joining this app? I don’t even know what this app is how it will impact my life? Or will it impact my life is another question. Okay, so going back into January of 2021, we’re still inside of a pandemic. And I’m in the community of Facebook groups. And I’m going to talk about my Facebook groups. And in a second, but let’s just talk about how I got to clubhouse most recent and most active, so I was reading other people’s comments inside of the Facebook groups. And everybody was asking each other well, what’s with this app called clubhouse? And, you know, I answered a question. And I said, What is clubhouse? And somebody explained it. And of course, the second you read something or I read something, I immediately look it up on Google. And I’m seeing and I’m reading articles and blogs about clubhouse, and there weren’t a lot of them. Let me be clear about that. But I thought God, I, I want to be a part of something that I don’t know what what this is, I only want to be a part of it, because I need an invitation to get to this party of what it is. And that was a very strategic marketing approach. And I think that was intentional. But it was also probably to keep the app from growing too fast. You can’t have so many people coming in at one time because it could spread like wildfire, only to see that the app doesn’t function, the app crashes. All right. So now I get in, I get I’m inside of Facebook, and I asked about it. And so they say you need an invitation. And I reached out to somebody who I really admire, and I have been actively in their Facebook group. And I said, Do you have an invite? And they said, I’m sorry, I don’t have any invites. And then one day a week later, maybe two weeks later, they said, Oh, I have an invite?

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Would you like it? I said, Oh my gosh, yes. So here I am now inside of the app, and I have no idea what I’m doing. And so I just been listening a lot, I’m going into these rooms, that’s what they are their rooms that you go into, you go in and out of rooms that have specific topics. And next to the person’s avatar and name, they have a little green icon. And that green icon symbolizes that they are a moderator. And a moderator simply means that they have the ability to bring you up if you raise your hand come up on what’s called a stage and you would visually see the app on your phone and there are people who are that who are speakers. And then there are people who are in the room followed by the speakers. And then there are just people who are in the room. So there’s sort of, you know, three levels, if you will, everybody’s sort of on the same plane. But the moderator badge seemingly had this signifying status, if you will, and how do you get a moderator badge? Well, you can, you know, create a club. And not everybody could create clubs just to be clear, and you can create rooms. And then you open those rooms. And as such, you are a moderator, you can also make other people, moderators. So this green symbol was super coveted that everybody wanted, I wanted it, I wanted to know why they had it, and why didn’t I have it, but I didn’t really think anything of it, other than the fact that I just wanted it, which is normal for me, I want what I can’t have, in many cases, I recognize that I want what others have, until I have it. And I think, well, what am I missing out on. And remember, I’ve talked a lot about having things that other people have and thinking that’s going to make me something that I’m not better feeling of wealth, being wealthy. And I’ve learned to tame that. But this was free. So it didn’t feel like anything was gonna get compromised within myself financially or anything if I had what these other people had within the clubhouse community. So how did I build an audience? And I don’t mean followers, although that one could interpret it that way. But how did I build an audience and be a part of a community on an on a social audio only app in the last year, and I don’t know, five months slowly, and through dedication and time, and I used to go into many different rooms, I learned about the people that were in the room, I became somebody that was looked at as a person who could contribute their knowledge in the web design community, in addition to the marketing community, I’m not sure why anybody thought that I was somebody worth listening to. But I’m grateful that they did. I’m not completely ill equipped to answer questions, I can answer the questions based on my own knowledge.

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And I think that I have the ability to articulate whatever the message might be. And, and, and obviously, that was, that was noticed by others. And thankfully, I’m grateful for that. Okay, so here I am in and out of clubhouse rooms. And sometimes I would fall asleep when the app would be open. And I’d wake up and the conversations were still going on. Different people were speaking. And of course, because the app is available to people all over the world, I had the luxury of getting to know many people in Japan while I was waking up in the morning, and they were ending their day, or if they’re in England, there’s a lot of people I had met, you know, across the pond that it’s the middle of the day for them when I am starting my day. So there was something quite interesting about that. Even people who are in Australia, you know, when I open a room every morning on clubhouse at 8am, with my other friends on clubhouse in my community, you know, it’s midnight in Australia, if not the middle of the night for some people maybe in New Zealand nevertheless, doesn’t matter. The time difference and the cultural divide is is gone. We all are part of the same community, which is what the topic of this podcast is for today. Why am I talking about community? Well, I don’t have a lot of friends around me I don’t volunteer my time in a Habitat for Humanity or mantle on Main which is a you know, soup kitchen, I generously am happy to donate my time to the communities that I feel served me well. And from which I think I serve them. So clubhouse super, an amazing community for me. Now let’s talk a little bit about community on Facebook. Okay, I am not sure exactly when I became part of Facebook groups. But I started to I think see value in the community of Facebook groups when I needed help, let’s say from web design. I remember having started using a theme template on WordPress because this was back I guess in 2012 when I wanted to be a web designer, because somebody said, you know, if you learn how to do WordPress, you can make a living at it. And boy, were they right. So I needed help when I was just learning in 2012. What did I do? I went to the community on Facebook for the theme template that it was being built on. And I managed to meet people who knew, you know, way more than I did, who were actually willing to donate their time to help me I thought well, isn’t isn’t that wonderful? And I got to be better at it. And I even hired somebody for one of my clients. I remember in 2013 and then I started to build a friendship with somebody else who lives in Washington State and he was somebody that I would be able to read reach out to when I needed assistance. I even found somebody in India who I hired to help me, you know, help help me rebuild a website because I just didn’t have the coding skills that I have today. I didn’t understand CSS or HTML, like I do today, don’t get me wrong, I have a long way to go.

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But I am so much better at it. And it was a game changer for me had I not had the community of Facebook groups, specifically this one, which turned into many, I’m quite confident that I would have probably given up because I don’t think what I learned about web design, you can really learn from a book, I have a book and I have no idea what I’m reading. But when you see somebody show you how to look for the code, it’s, it changes everything. So the community that I found for my professional career was through Facebook groups, whether it was the theme template design, or whether it was for logo design, whether it was for branding, I found myself in all of these different community groups, each one of them is different. But then there was this common thread that ran through all of them. The same people are in the same groups. All of the people who are web designers are also in accessibility groups, or they’re in branding groups or logo groups, or they’re even in procreate groups, because they are illustrators, then you find yourself inside of the community of Adobe live and Behance, where Adobe employs people to instruct how to use their software, or you have streamers that you admire and follow. And they are talking while illustrating and they could go on for maybe three hours in the morning on a Wednesday, and I follow somebody every Wednesday, I had missed out for the last few months, I had been taking a break because I got busy. But then I started to make friends within the chat of this stream. And these many of these people, I also see actively inside of these Facebook groups online, which I found really interesting. That’s this common thread that runs through the Facebook groups. If you’re on Facebook, you stay on Facebook, but then you branch out like I did, which is inside of Behance. And then I would start to see these group creators coming into clubhouse, some were not so sure. And I would be like, Oh my gosh, that’s so and so from this group. And I’ve never had the opportunity to talk to them, you know, through an audio app, I’ve always chatted with them within their own community through, you know, through texts inside of the group. And that was kind of thrilling. Then I found this community of YouTube, and all of these content creators, which are amazing when they share their knowledge and thankfully, they get compensated by YouTube, but they too are in these Facebook groups. Then they started to venture into clubhouse and I used to see them in clubhouse. From there. I found myself in not just groups that were empowering my my profession as a web designer, but then just from things that I liked recreationally like the shits Creek community, the shits Creek show, which aired for me for the first time on Netflix in 2019. Just took my breath away. I couldn’t believe what a great show this was. And the first thing I do when I love something as much as I loved shits Creek is I go to Facebook, and I joined the Facebook group because there’s a group for everything on Facebook. And as I enjoyed the show, I started to see that there were people who had similar thoughts about the show that I did. And I became part of this community. From there, I learned about SchittCon.

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And SchittCon is a convention that was developed by a woman in Canada who loved the show as much as I did, as well as many others and the people who wanted to be a part of this convention that was fan base. were volunteering to help her coordinate this event in Toronto in 2019. And it was the last season that they were going to air were film not air but film. So then she looked for volunteer to help her with the artwork and I got involved and I became her friend and I became part of this community by going alone to shit con in June of 2019 to go do something that is so uncharacteristic for me but when I tell you I became a part of something a part of a community. I didn’t have to be best friends with all of these people, but I was definitely somebody who was completely out of her element and really uncommon Well, when I was there, and I kept to myself a lot when I was there, but I still said, I can enjoy this for whatever it is at the time. And you know, I met Dan Levy, I met Eugene Levy, I was on the actual location where the rose apothecary and Bob’s garage. If you’re a shits Creek fan, you’ll really appreciate this. And I was a part of something, I was a part of this community, I loved doing the artwork, and I loved my friend, I still love her. And as a result, I built out the website for ship con. And then the pandemic happened, and it got canceled for 2020, we were going to have it again. But we made merchandise and we were able to sell merchandise to help people still feel a part of the community and those community groups still exists in 2020, when the show was very prominent, and there was a whole lot of buzz about it, I became a moderator of the group that is a much more challenging responsibility than just being a member of the group, because I have to read all of these comments. And I have to interpret the intent of the comment and be the gatekeeper and the babysitter. And so it’s a role that I didn’t enjoy as much when it was conflicting with other people’s feelings.

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It was fine when everybody was getting along. But then it wasn’t getting along, I was finding myself in an awkward position of feeling not a part of the community. But feeling like I have to gatekeeper everything that’s happening here to keep peace among the members, which happens a lot in Facebook. So I definitely appreciated the role. And I’m still a moderator in the role, but because the show has now consequently, you know, been you know, ended and it’s died down, there’s not as much buzz and there’s only so much we can talk about when we’re talking about the same thing over and over and over again. But I think it’s worth noting here that all of these communities, whether it be Facebook groups for my profession, or my personal life clubhouse, and I’ll get back to that in a second, even Instagram, and I’m not a part of the TIC tock community, I’m not a content creator. I mean, I’m creating a podcast. But that’s just so I can speak into something for 30 minutes or less out of the out of the week and share it online and move on and let go of whatever problems or pains that I have from my past and just continue to grow. And there is value in that for me, and I love it. And I’m loving it only because when I’m completing an episode, I feel great. I’m not really part of a community of podcasters. But I have been on and I said I get back to clubhouse, I have been in clubhouse rooms where podcasters congregate, and whether you find a coach or you learn how to use equipment, and you speak from a technology perspective, I saw somebody who came into the room this morning for gratitude, who was a I’m not exactly sure what they are. But they were very involved with podcasting. I’m not looking to be a professional podcaster. But I do like being a part of a community of podcasters that might have insight to share. You know, when I became part of these communities, my skill set increased. I got better at what I want to do. I learned how to use the technology, like let’s say it was Adobe Illustrator or Photoshop by watching these other people or asking these other people questions within the community. And then I thought, well, I can do that. So why am I talking about community? Well, I want to speak from it in the most honest way possible. And it’s because community no matter how you build your community has value. It helps you grow. It helps you learn, it helps you be a part of something and it helps you feel like you are not alone. Now let’s let’s make that very clear.

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You are not alone. You’re not alone. In your sadness. You’re not alone. You’re not alone in your joy. You’re not alone in your anger or your frustration. You’re not alone, even though you’re sitting alone inside your home and you’re looking around and there’s nobody here and nobody’s coming for you. Nobody’s rescuing you. But yet you never you don’t feel so alone. And when I say you I’m speaking about myself, I am sitting alone most of the time in my home and I look around and nobody’s coming for me like I just said I I know that every morning at 8am Eastern Time on clubhouse I’m going to be able to open the room with the others have a story to share that is read from an online website that I pay for followed by a prompt of what are you grateful for and every day, it’s something different and everybody shares what do I learn? Well, I learned just I learned in the professional and the personal communities in Facebook, I learned to be a better listener, I learned to wait my turn, I learned to not speak over somebody, I learned to listen to them share what their happy, sad, frustrated about, I learn about their cultural lifestyle I learned and they learn about me. So while I’m physically alone, the truth is, I’m not alone, not by a longshot. And when the pandemic happened, and here, I was exactly in the same place that I’m in now. And I still had some Facebook communities and then branched into the clubhouse community. And now I have this podcast and I’m on Instagram, but I don’t really do much on it, I build, I’ve built out my community, so I am not so alone. In fact, when I’m alone, and I’m a part of something, I feel less exhausted than if I were to, let’s say, Go volunteer somewhere, where I’m physically doing something, I really enjoy how I managed to create and cultivate a community around myself so that I’m not alone. And that I can continue to keep learning and growing, if I start to feel let’s say, a little off, I might go into a room where I either need to felt feel better, or I need to feel not alone that I am suffering from anxiety, or depression, or whatever that emotion might feel, I know that I am one or two clicks away from an online community of sorts, that will support me and help me feel like I belong, I encourage anybody, because it’s all out there for us, we just have to be willing to find it and join. And remember to be kind and compassionate, because the truth is your community needs from you, I’ll speak it differently my community needs from me what I need from them, I can’t go into a Facebook group and cause all kinds of ruckus, I have to give to my community what I want them to give to me. And I think it’s pretty clear. But I don’t always see that, let’s say on Facebook, I don’t know, we see that around around in any kind of a space that I’m on whether it’s a chat, you know, on on Instagram, or YouTube.

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And I think that if you want to be a part of something, if you want to be a part of something really powerful, put in what you want to get out of it, join a group, join this community, you know, there’s, you could find them all over Instagram, you can find them all over Facebook, you can find them all over clubhouse, and all of these pockets of places that don’t work for me might work for somebody else, and you belong within their community. And you will be so surprised how enriching this is for your life and how life changing it can be. Because you may not be going out making all kinds of friends and having, you know, girls luncheons the way I might have done in the past. But I am certainly finding that I’m getting more out of it than I ever thought or dreamed possible. So I hope if you’re listening to this, and you feel a little alone, find a community online, a safe community online, maybe even start on clubhouse and come join us in the gratitude room at 8am. Eastern Time, Monday through Sunday, it may surprise you what you might get out of it. It may you may not stay. But it might lead you into another room and another club that feels safe for you better for you and gives you what you want to get out of it. But you’ve got to put it in in return. You have to do the work. You have to spend the time and you have to remember to know that it’s not only about you, when you make it about others because it’s a community it really can work for you. So that’s what I got anyway. Okay, well if you like this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance. You can download it you can share it you can even write me a review. And you can follow me on Instagram. I have two accounts. One is Mallory underscore Duric. And the other is Don’t lose your balance, MSD, that’s Mary Sam David. I also have a website which is Don’t lose your balance.com I hope today tomorrow and always you don’t lose your balance and I look forward to hearing how you didn’t lose your balance on your life’s journey. I’ll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Hi, I am Mallory Durrick. I am a creative. A Marketing Strategist and Web Designer with a small and modest boutique Marketing Agency living in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I am the creator and narrator of this podcast, Don’t Lose Your Balance. This is a culmination of decades of self-help books, countless doctors, numerous hospitals, including rehabs. Once a wife, now divorced, a mother, a grandmother and an addict in recovery. These are things that I am and have experienced.

I’m sharing it all. Baring it all. Hoping to help others; not lose their balance.