Episode 42: Goals

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Well, hey, everybody. Welcome to the 42nd episode of Don’t lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. I listened to a lot of podcasts. Well, I wouldn’t say a lot. But enough. And nobody ever really talks about the episode number. And I talk about the episode number because I have set this goal for myself a 52. For what I would consider one season, I didn’t really know what to expect when I started out doing this podcast. So I figured, okay, well, I’ll just start out and see where it goes. And and then as it continued, I said, Alright, let’s do 52 episodes. So today’s episode is about goals. And why do I feel like goals are so important? Well, I think we all think goals are important. But for somebody who has been through addiction issues, goals are even more important, because if goals are not achievable, or attainable, it’s very easy, I think, to slip back into a place of imbalance and even maybe addiction. So I recently listened to the book, atomic habits by James clear, I don’t love walking, and I decided that I was going to get out of my space during the day and just start walking. And I set a goal for myself. But in order to make the walk more pleasurable, I actually started listening to an audio book. And in the book, atomic habits, he talks about how if you combine something that you don’t really like with something that you do, like you can make the act of whatever it is that you’re doing less difficult. And I don’t mean difficult in the sense that, you know, I can’t walk I mean, obviously I can walk but I don’t love walking and my body had just gotten used to this, you know, I don’t know sitting around and working all the time, and not getting out and moving. Now that was just for me. I’m sure a lot of people go out and do things and exercise a whole lot. And go for long walks, go on hikes, do all kinds of things, but I’m just not one of them. I’m an introvert, I like being at home, I like doing my own thing. And okay, so I started listening to this audio book, and I actually finished it. And I realized in the book, that setting, the goals that we set for ourselves need to be attainable, needs to be achievable. And if they’re not, you’re going to give up. And that’s where you can set in with failure. And I certainly don’t want people including myself to ever set a goal and then fail in that goal. So today’s episode is about goals. Because if I go back about 20 years, and I think about what goals I may have set for myself to start and begin my journey of recovery. I know that the Vikon addiction had to be obviously it had to I had to get over it, I had to find something that’s going to help me a not feel the pain of withdrawal. And never allow me to go back into the dark place of addiction with the pills. It was financially a burden. It was emotionally a burden. It took a toll on everybody in my family, it took a toll on me. So I decided that when I started with the Suboxone, I didn’t care if it was going to be a lifetime medication that I might actually have to endure for myself, I might have to stay on this thing forever. And every week that I took it every month that I took it every year that I took it and of course, it took 10 years within that 10 Year Framework. When I first got out of rehab, I took 24 milligrams and then I decided that I might be able to go with less. So I started to take a little bit less each week, obviously with Doctor supervision to see just how little I could tolerate without feeling the pain of withdrawal and my body responded quite nicely. So I said I don’t think I thought about it like this, but I set this goal for myself that I’m going to get down to the lowest possible dose and for I’m going to say eight years So I went from the 24 to down to two, and that for those eight years, I was on two milligrams. And I thought, Okay, well, I don’t think I can get any lower than this. Because anytime I might try or length of time in the day that I might try to not actually take suboxone at all, I would start to feel the pain of withdrawal. So I knew that the two milligrams would be just fine. Then in 2015, I made the decision in that January that I was going to get off of this medication for good. And I didn’t know what that was going to look like. But I absolutely set a goal for myself, I said, you’re going to be free from this medication, no matter how long it takes. So I started taking a very small like cuticle scissor and I would cut those strips, they look like Listerine strips that you put under your tongue. And I would cut the two milligram strip in half. So it went to one milligram. And then I would cut that in half. And then it was a half a milligram. And I kept doing that until I got to my very last strip of 30. In the pack, which was a month supply, I said, you’re just going to take those scissors and you’re going to sliver little slices, anytime that you absolutely feel like you can’t take the pain of withdrawal anymore. And I’d put it under my tongue, and I would get through it. And if it was tolerable, I would find a way to distract myself, then that’s what I did. And that’s what i That was the goal that I set for myself that said, All right, you’re gonna get off this medicine. So if I went from 10 years before 24 milligrams down to two milligrams down to one milligram. And then I only had this one strip left. And I said, and I said to myself, this goal that I set in front of myself was you’re not getting another prescription of 30, you have to make this thing less. And by the time I was down to the very last bit, the doctor said you’re there you are 95% there. And that goal that I set for myself was achieved, because it was attainable. I didn’t put my body in a cold turkey kind of way that would have forced me to naturally not even use using was completely gone. Because any kind of and I say use like some crazy person. But it’s true. It is using it’s using Vikon. For what it is not intended to be used for which was not to get high, but was to feel empowered, doesn’t matter. So that was a great goal that I set and achieve. I also used to be a cigarette smoker, and I had smoked on and off since I was a teenager. And for the better part of my 20s and 30s. I was not well, I guess maybe 30s. I was not a cigarette smoker. But in 2014, I’d happened to have been a cigarette smoker for about nine years at a stress. And it was just such an awful habit. And I said I want out of this too. And then I set the goal of you’re going to quit even if it was just quitting again. And I did I put a patch on my arm for a couple of days got through the whatever awful withdrawal that is from nicotine. And then once I could get past the habit of needing to light up a cigarette wherever I was, whether it was in the car, while driving, or after dinner, or whatever. I said, Okay, done. And that was a great goal for myself. And I achieved that goal. For my personal life. I think the only real goals that I have absolutely set for myself are more in line with how I am professionally because I decided after working for people over the years that the only goal that I wanted was to work for my own. In my own business for myself. I didn’t want to go to a job every day where I had a commute. And I had to think about what would that look like? And I knew that that might look like working weekends working holidays, working nights being available, you know, at 7am for a client who might be in another country. On a Sunday, I had already done that working for somebody else. And I thought Why am I why am I doing this? It’s nice to have a steady paycheck it is and I get that but I decided I could live with a lot less even though I had been already living with a lot less I could live with a lot less if I could carve out in my little world the way I wanted to live my life and I really appreciated doing that because I knew that I could do it. And I wanted to be able to get up in the morning and like what I was doing and not feel like I was beholden or tethered to an organization or a company that had my fate in their hands. So by creating the goal of being my own boss, which I realized would mean working when other people played, I was okay with that. And I’ve done that for myself. When I have this conversation with my sister, she often says, Well, you do work for other people. I said, Yeah, well, they’re my clients and I want to work for them, I want to do my best, I want to make them feel so good about the decision that they’ve made to hire me because they know that I am going to stop at nothing to see through every single task and project that, you know, makes them happy, because it makes me happy to see them happy. If I design something that somebody loves, makes me happy. If I build a website that functions really well and helps them make money makes me happy. And not because I got a paycheck, but because I really do actually give a hoot about their business, I really do. That was a goal that I had set for myself for my professional life, which has obviously translated into my personal life. If you think about things like you want to get into better shape, or you want to lose weight, I recognize that in order to make any of those things happen, the goal that we set has to be like James clear, says and atomic habits, it has to be something that you can achieve and you can attain, it can’t be so far fetched that it becomes something you would give up. But here’s here’s the beauty of being able to define and cultivate, I guess the things that you want for yourself, if I go for a walk every single day, it’s just one walk that day. And then the next day or the next day or the next day, and all of a sudden, over the course of a month, you’re gonna see, I know that I can see a difference in the way I feel in the way I look. You don’t go from zero to 30 pounds less, let’s say for example, not that that’s the goal. But you’re not going to go through that overnight. But the days are still going to happen the next day and the next day and the next day, it’s only when you continue to look back on it not so great to feel like you’re off. If you’re maybe if you miss a day, it’s not such a terrible thing in the context of you know, this, this, of what I’m saying about walking and exercise or eating well, one day is not going to kill you, even two days is not going to kill you. But it’s not going to keep you on a good track of a good habit. And that’s what the book is about, which is also about goals and achieving your goals just by setting ones that are 100%. You know, realistic. If you don’t set realistic goals. Yeah, I get it. I think you have to be brutally honest with yourself about what you’re capable of doing. I shouldn’t say capable of more more about what, what you really want. If you really want something, then set a goal for yourself and see what it looks like in your life to make that happen. Here’s where I struggle with goals as well. Don’t keep moving the needle. Like if you achieve a goal, celebrate it, celebrate that goal. And then you may decide to create a new goal for yourself. But you don’t move the needle of that one goal you achieve it. So here I am, I created this podcast, I have this goal of 52 episodes, I literally have no idea where I’m going to go after it. And I didn’t really feel like recording today. And I thought well, who would care if I didn’t record? Nobody, nobody cares. I care. I actually care. Because I’ve set this goal for myself in how many episodes makes up a season of one, which is why every episode I say welcome to the first, second, third, fourth, whatever episode of Don’t lose your balance, because it helps me. I think it helps me be mindful of the importance of it for me, and I’m accountable to myself. Nobody else. I’m very grateful for the listeners of this podcast. And I know that some of the feedback that I’ve gotten has been so favorable because it’s made a difference in your life. Some just say great podcasts. I don’t think anybody’s actually said anything negative to me about it. But maybe an episode or two might have been a little boring, I get it. I’m not necessarily here to share my story, to entertain, but more so to help and maybe if people who are listening, see a little bit of themselves inside of it, then they don’t feel so alone. And I’m not saying I’m a therapist, and I’m going to tell you what to do. But I will say that if you set goals for yourself, and you can make them attainable, you will achieve them doing what it takes to make them happen. And then you’ll get to the other side of whatever that might be which is what I often tie was called balance in clubhouse, we have created a goal. And I say we because I’m not the only one in this room. And I’m not the only one running this room and clubhouse, we set a goal of 365 days of gratitude. And it’s only for 30 minutes every day. But that 30 minutes makes a huge impact in my day. And there are days I would just like to not share. But I share every day and every day that I share, I feel like I’m getting closer to my goal of 365. And today was 314. So tomorrow, 315. What am I going to do at 365? Celebrate? And then what happens at 366? Does

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it just stop? Or do we start over? Or do we create a new goal, which is, you know, version two, who and we start at 360 5.1. I don’t know. But I do know that I’m on the cusp of two goals that I think are pretty big that started last year, last June and July. And I’m getting to the point where I’m achieving both of those goals, I’m not going to stop on the podcasts until I hit the 52. Even if all I do is talk and nobody is listening, and nobody cares about anything that I’m saying I don’t I don’t mind. Because I know that I’m attaining and achieving this goal that I set for myself listening back to some of the episodes gives me some insight into the way I am feeling not just in the moment, but how I may have felt back in my past, because I’m so far removed from the raw guts of it all I got to the other side of it. And then I can share from that, you know scar and not from that wound that that is often talked about in clubhouse. And I’m so grateful for that phrase, because I live with that every single day share from your scars and not from your wounds. So if anybody is listening, and I know that I’m going to be one of those listeners, set the goal for yourself. Remember why you’ve set a goal for yourself, see if it’s something that you can achieve, and ask yourself why you’re doing it in the first place. And sometimes the answer could just be because I can. And I remember that being an answer, or something similar to gratitude, or because I could I could run this room with others and have gratitude every single day because I can and because I said I would. And that’s why I show up. So ask yourself if you want to lose weight, you know why? Why? Why do you want to lose weight, you want to feel better in your skin, you want to look better, you want to be whatever you may want to be healthier. So what do you have to do to lose weight? Well, you have to eat well, and you have to move your body, even if it’s just walking, walking is actually more amazing than I thought not just because it gets you outside. But because it’s something you actually can achieve running. That’s a whole other story that puts a lot more stress on the body. But walking 100%, you can do it. And you can pretty much do it anywhere, walk around your neighborhood, walking, you know, you can walk up and down a flight of stairs 10 times 20 times, getting outside does give you a different perspective. And all of those things like eating well, and walking will help you achieve the goal of weight loss, it just will, because your body’s going to thank you for for the goal of keeping my liver healthy, I had to do something in order to make that happen. I had to say, Well, you’ve got to give up alcohol and stop drinking and stop lying to yourself about what this toxic poison is doing. It’s not really helping your mental capacity. But I didn’t believe that. I believe that drinking a glass of wine or two glasses of wine that might calm me down. Sometimes it would. Or sometimes it would set me in a different direction that would kind of like wake up my brain in a weird way whether it was from the sugar or from the alcohol itself. It didn’t matter. And once I got real, and I said do you really want to die from something bad with your liver because that’s where you’re headed? The answer was no. And there was only one goal for sobriety. And that was to eliminate the alcohol. And if I eliminated the alcohol, I pretty much had to eliminate everything else. And I’m okay with that. I had already gotten rid of the Vikon and 20 years ago if the alcohol was the last thing I had to take out of my system I even had to get rid of like cigarette smoke and cigarettes. So if the if the alcohol was the last thing I had to take out of my system then so be it because I do like living a healthier life. I sleep better I oh my god I look so much better. Bye Skin looks better. Everything changed. When I removed the toxicity and that goal that I set for myself, which was 100%, I’m going to live a healthy life and a healthy lifestyle. What did it look like for me to make that happen, what the goal was to look better, to feel better and to be healthier? But what do I have to do to achieve all of those things? Well,

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gotta eat well, can’t, you can’t, you know, eat, eat crap, and then expect your body to say thank you for it. You can’t drink anything that’s poisonous and expect your body to say thank you for it, I had to actually change the way I would leave he it’s changing the way I would, I don’t know if it’s free time going out to dinner, or, or going out at night, I had to stop doing any of those things, even dating, I had to stop it because it went with alcohol, even cooking. It went, it was too synonymous with alcohol. And, you know, cooking, and dating and being out with friends or just going out for dinner, I had to stop all of it. And while that may sound sad, I’ll get back to something that will be very nice and rewarding. That will still say good job in keeping to the goal of keeping yourself healthy, because you deserve it and living this sort of healthy life. It’s not even a sort of healthy life, living this healthy life is all I really want. And I want to continue that and on that path, you know, for a very long time, if not forever, set healthy goals for yourself and enjoy life for all that it has to offer. So that’s all I got. Okay, well, it’d be like this or any other episode of Don’t lose your balance. You can download it, you can share it. You can even write me a review. I also have a website, which is Don’t lose your balance.com and you can find me on Instagram with two handles. The first is Mallory underscore direct and the other is Don’t lose your balance. M S D That’s Mary Sam David, I hope today tomorrow and always you don’t lose your balance and I look forward to hearing how you didn’t lose your balance along your life’s journey and we’ll see you next time.

Hi, I am Mallory Durrick. I am a creative. A Marketing Strategist and Web Designer with a small and modest boutique Marketing Agency living in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I am the creator and narrator of this podcast, Don’t Lose Your Balance. This is a culmination of decades of self-help books, countless doctors, numerous hospitals, including rehabs. Once a wife, now divorced, a mother, a grandmother and an addict in recovery. These are things that I am and have experienced.

I’m sharing it all. Baring it all. Hoping to help others; not lose their balance.